How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
