i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
