"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
