I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
