I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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