New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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