i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize