u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
