yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
