1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
