I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
