i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
