how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
