There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
