so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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