Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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