She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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