is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
