The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
