she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
