that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
