She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
