I just cut my nipple shaving
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
