My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize