How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
