He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
