What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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