filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
