For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
