well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
