I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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