If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
