Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
