I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
