1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
