Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
