lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
