Define "chronic" masturbator.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
