He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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