break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
