My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
