I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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