He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
