The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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