sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
