my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize