Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
