he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
