i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
