dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Randomize
