I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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