okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
