i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
