I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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