So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
