In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
zippers are such a cool invention
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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