He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
