Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
