Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Holy sore nipples Batman
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
