the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
