none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
