Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize