Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
