I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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