Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
