Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
