Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize