I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would fuck him just for his dog
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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