I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
