either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm both gender and math confused
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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