How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
