508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
