I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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