you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
