I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
