And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
