I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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