All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize