I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
