Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
