You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
