he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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