Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
i out mim tonsoeep
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