look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
