They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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