Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
