I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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