Please, let me fuck your mom
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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