Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
