Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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