i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
