I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
