we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
